Everything Means Nothing If I Ain't Got You
by Laury Rose
Summary: Erina and Soma started dating two years ago. Erina thinks it's high time to introduce him to her entourage as her life partner and what's better than the Christmas party to do that? But two weeks before the party, Soma and Erina have a big fight. Is this really how it ends for them? Christmas one-shot. Merry Christmas x)


_Hey guys :D_

 _Just a little Christmas one-shot. Title and inspiration is from_ _ **If I Ain't Got You**_ _by_ _ **Alicia Keys**_ _._

 _Well, hope you'll enjoy !_

 **Disclaimer:** I don't own Shokugeki no Sōma nor its characters.

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 **Everything Means Nothing If I Ain't Got You**

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It was stupid.

It was _so_ stupid.

Erina looked up with hopeful eyes as someone else entered the grand ballroom they were all currently assembled in only to look back down at the champagne flute she was holding in disappointment once again.

It _was_ so stupid but it might be the one thing that break them apart...

Erina felt tears starting to pool in her eyes at the thought.

Why did she say that? Why couldn't she shut her mouth and swallow her wounded ego and insecurity? If she had, maybe she wouldn't be in that situation, if she had, maybe he would be by her side right now.

It was stupid and she was going to blame her stupidity forever if she really lost him over that.

 _ **Two weeks ago, Nakiri Manor, Erina's study**_

" _What_."

Erina turned incredulous eyes towards her boyfriend of two years.

Yukihira Sōma looked back at her, seemingly a little taken aback by her reaction.

Why he had expected anything else was beyond her. He _did_ just announce that he wouldn't be there for the Christmas Party that they were invited to on the 24th of December.

They had been officially dating for two years now and Erina knew that she wouldn't want anyone else and that party was Sōma's introduction as her life partner to her family and circles. They weren't engaged yet but they both knew - at least Erina had hoped they both did - that this was it and that they would eventually tie the knot.

And so, she had accepted the invitation with that in mind. It was the only event that all the Nakiris actually bothered to attend (even if it was a high society event only), preferring to spend the other holidays amongst themselves wherever they may be - which usually was all over the world.

It was the only moment where she could introduce him to them all at once and she had been looking forward it ever since Sōma had agreed to go with her when she received the formal invitation two weeks prior. It would be the first time that she would bring a member of the opposite sex as her plus one as she usually dragged Hisako there with her.

To be honest, she had been anticipating that party for a few months now and she might have let it slip to her red-eyed cousin - which turned out to be the biggest mistake she could have made. Erina loved Alice dearly but that didn't prevent her to think that the white-haired was annoying.

Her cousin had been teasing her nonstop from the beginning of their relationship ( _"Remember when you swore you'd never be willingly found in the company of Yukihira Sōma?" Alice sighed as she looked at her rapidly blushing cousin, "You were so adamant on it too, always seeing red whenever his name was mentioned." - "Shut up!"_ ) but a few months ago she had started to say things like 'I wonder what our uncle will think of him.' or ' Will our cousin fall for him too? He seems to have his way with girls. Be careful, Erina.' but after that party, she would certainly shut up for a while. She would officially claim him as hers in front of them all after all.

But now, Sōma was telling that he wasn't going.

Erina stared at her boyfriend waiting for him to tell her that he was only joking but when it never came, she started to see red. They had been talking about this for weeks now.

" _Why?_ "

"I'm going to go to my grandpa's." Sōma finally elaborated as he looked up from his phone. "Pops just sent me a text and apparently he wants us to spend some time with him this Christmas."

" _Your grandfather?_ Your grandfather is _dead_ , Sōma!"

"This one isn't dead yet apparently."

Erina's eyes widened as she let the information sink in. His father's father was inviting them _now_? After all the time he spent acting as if they didn't even exist? He had never even tried to meet with his grandson despite the letter that Saiba-sama had sent at his birth from what she's heard! He had disowned Sōma's father on the spot when he had learned that he had deserted Tōtsuki. He might as well have been dead for all they knew and now he had the guts to demand their presence for Christmas? A holiday that you're supposed to spend with your family or loved ones? Surrounded by people you care about and who care about you? What the heck ?!

"So now he acknowledges your existence. He never tried to contact you before and he does _now_? Why would you go and spend Christmas with someone like that?!"

Sōma's eyebrows furrowed in disagreement at her words, clearly not seeing the situation like she was.

"He's my grandfather." he stated as if that was reason enough, and maybe if Erina hadn't been so focused on the party she would have agreed, but she was and she couldn't understand why he would choose his absent grandfather over her at a time like this.

"Only in name! He's never acted like one! And he wants to do it now?!"

Erina's tone was rising and Sōma's features rearranged into a displeased frown at this turn of events.

"Well, maybe he's trying to change that. Why are you acting like this?!"

"You are supposed to attend the party with me, Sōma ! And now you're telling me that you won't come because your grandfather eventually decided that it was time for you to get to know each other? And you're just going to go as if nothing ever happened?!"

"Everyone deserves a second chance, Erina! Yes, he wasn't there for my father or me but he's still family. And if he wants to finally act like it, then I'll give him a chance to do that."

"Not everyone does deserve a second chance! People don't always change, Sōma!" Her father certainly hadn't.

Erina had tried to give him a chance to act like a father after the trauma he had inflicted upon her when she was a child. But he had blown it when he had attempted to isolate her once again under the pretense of spending some bonding time with her in some recluse property of his some years ago. Thankfully, her grandfather had rapidly deployed searching forces when he had been unable to find her and she was located and rescued under a week, but she still shivered at the thought of what could have happened if things had gone differently.

"Not everyone is your father, Erina!"

The second the words exited his mouth, Sōma wished he could take them back but it was too late if the raw hurt present on Erina's face was indication enough.

"I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that."

Something changed in Erina's demeanor as she crossed her arms under her chest and closed off her emotions like she used to before they got together.

"Right. I don't even know why I bother. This clearly doesn't mean anything to you if you're so willing to choose this man in spite of everything." Erina declared and Sōma wasn't so sure she was still talking about the party.

" _What_...?" Sōma muttered, trying to understand what was going on but Erina continued as if he hadn't spoken at all.

"Clearly, you're not as invested in this as I thought you were."

She definitely wasn't talking about the party anymore.

Was she actually saying what he thought she was saying? She couldn't be questioning his commitment in their relationship when he had refused to go on a trip with his father in a heartbeat just last month despite the chance it represented only because she had been stressed at that time and he had wanted to be there for her, right? Or all those times he stayed by her side just because he thought she needed him even when she denied it. She just couldn't after all the years he spent proving to her how much she mattered to him, right?

Because it awfully sounded like she was.

Silence fell upon them but unlike the comfortable ones that they shared nowadays, this one was heavy with unspoken words and with each passing second, Erina felt a heavy feeling settle in the pit of the stomach.

They argued rather frequently, being polar opposites and all, but it was more meaningless bicker than anything. This, this was different, and Erina couldn't help but feel like something bad was coming.

Maybe she went too far.

Her lips parted as her tongue readied itself to deliver her apology but Sōma cut her off before the first word could even leave her tongue.

"Maybe we should take a break." he declared, effectively rendering Erina speechless from shock. "I think we need some time to think - or rather, I do." Sōma added, giving Erina a look that she couldn't quite read. The latter only stared blankly at the redhead, unable to comprehend what was happening.

She wanted to say something but words just wouldn't come so her lips remained parted with no sound coming out. Her eyes widened and her arms limply fell by her sides at his words as all the fight and hurt that had filled her left all at once.

As the reality of the situation set in, her heart suddenly ached, as if someone had just put their hand around it and squeezed as much as they could, not caring if it stopped working in the process. She was pretty sure she wasn't breathing either.

Erina didn't know how much time passed before she came back to her senses but when she did, the space before her was empty.

He was gone.

 _ **Present time, ballroom**_

It had been two weeks since then.

Two weeks without any form of contact from the redhead. She wouldn't even know that he had left the city if it wasn't for Hisako calling her a week and half before and saying that she had just seen Yukihira and his father leaving town to head God knows where and asking if she knew about it.

Erina had simply made some sound of disagreement before changing the subject and focusing back on Tōtsuki matters. After their fight, she had tried to deny reality by drowning herself in work and with her title as headmistress, it wasn't a hard thing to do.

But now, standing there in the party that she had come to dread over the past two weeks, there was nothing to distract herself from the fact that her side was empty and probably would be for the whole night, or more if things came to worst.

Erina tried not to think about that but each ticking of the clock made it more and more likely.

He wasn't coming tonight like she had hoped he would, against her better judgment, and he probably wouldn't come back to her in the future either.

It was over.

The thoughts that she had repressed ever since the fight assaulted her mind at full force, not giving her the chance to breathe and she felt panic settle inside her without being able to stop it. The tears that had filled her eyes now threatened to spill and she tried to control her quickened breathing for a few more moments as she quietly excused herself from her current company and made a beeline to the empty balcony a few meters away.

She still had the presence of mind not to allow a show of weakness in front of all those people but there was only so much she could do to delay the inevitable.

Once she was enveloped by the dark of the night in the farthest corner of the balcony, safe from prying eyes and the concerned looks she had been receiving from Alice, she finally let go and allowed the tears to flow freely on her face.

Her breaths quickened almost immediately and she began to sob in silence, sliding down to the ground brokenly as her thoughts filled her mind with him once again.

Were they really over...?

Erina buried her teary face in the safety that her knees provided as her mind wandered to the last few weeks. Her hopes went up with each notification she got, only to crash back down once she saw that it was completely unrelated to him. Every morning she woke up wishing that this was just a really convincing nightmare but reality never failed to slam into her face when his absence and silence didn't cease to resound in her heart, breaking it a little more with each passing day.

She had tried to forget about it by working her head off but this plan was a complete failure if her current situation wasn't making that obvious enough.

Her eyes were burning with tears that she didn't bother to stop as a soundless sob wracked her body down to her very core.

It was over.

And it was her fault. She couldn't blame anyone but herself. There would have been other times to introduce him, other parties to attend, other parties to organize, many more Christmases to spend together but her foolish previous self had only thought about the possibility that maybe it didn't mean that much to him, not considering the many times that he had proven her otherwise during their time together.

Even if he had never said it explicitly, some part of her knew that he felt the same, that he saw forever with her and that he couldn't imagine loving anyone else like he loved her.

Yet she had ruined it with her careless words, delivered without much thought in a vicious intention to hurt him like he had hurt her. And she had succeeded.

However, the price that came with that success was too high. Had she known that this was how it would turn out, she wouldn't have succumbed to temptation and offered another answer.

But she had and her reaction had only brought disastrous results.

She had wanted to apologize a million times and she still did but the fear of what could come of that contact was enough to bring her blossoming attempts to dust.

'I'm sorry. I love you.'

Those were the words that she so desperately wanted to say but after tonight, she feared that they would no longer find a recipient.

Erina's breathing had slowly returned to normal - at least, as normal as it could with the sobs currently wrecking her body - but her tears had never ceased. Her chest was heavily heaving with each sob and the pain radiating from it was slowly invading her whole being and soon enough, she couldn't pinpoint its exact location anymore.

But she didn't care about that, she just wanted it to stop. She just wanted him back.

Although it seemed like this was the only wish she wouldn't be granted at the moment.

Everyone was showering them with praise and expensive gifts in hope to gain the favors of the Nakiri family and usually she would preen under it all, letting them get their hopes up but never responding to their pleas later on, except if the Nakiri family had some business to do with them afterwards - which rarely happened.

But now, it all felt meaningless. She couldn't bring herself to enjoy it without him by her side.

The emptiness that she felt inside of her heart couldn't be filled by those things, only one person could do it and she wasn't so sure he was willing to anymore.

A cold breeze blew by and her whole body shivered in response.

She wasn't dressed appropriately for the cold weather with her red cocktail dress but she couldn't bring herself to care enough to go and fetch her coat. Plus, she didn't want people to see her like this, with obvious traces of her previous breakdown still present on her face. Even if the onslaught of tears had slowed down a bit, they were still running down her face and she couldn't foresee them stopping anytime soon.

Erina wrapped her arms around her knees, bringing them closer to her in a feeble attempt to block the wind. As expected, it blocked nothing at all but she really couldn't care less. She knew that she would eventually have to get up and back inside but she would worry about that when the time came.

She heard the sound of the glass door opening and closing from a distance followed by familiar footsteps but Erina didn't even bother to look up. She knew who she would see.

Yukihira Sōma standing before her and looking at her with love and regret in his eyes. It wasn't the first time that she had hallucinated like this. It happened more than she was comfortable admitting during the past two weeks.

The first time, she hadn't realized that he was only a product of her imagination and she had been overwhelmed by a wave of hope, love and longing all at once but it all came crashing down when he disappeared and she was left with deep regret and guilt. After that, she had been more careful with her feelings and she only allowed herself to say all the things she couldn't tell the redhead when he appeared to her like this.

This had become a familiar pattern to her, so she didn't even blink nor lifted her head as she allowed her words to break free.

"I'm-I'm so sorry..." her voice was quiet, full of tears and broken by the sobs that came back at full force at his appearance. "I-I was selfish. I didn't mean what I said. I know you were as involved... as I was if not more." Erina cut herself off to muffle the cry that wanted to escape from her throat as a louder sob shook her body. "I just- I just wanted to take that next step in our relationship so bad... But is there still a relationship to take further now...? That's not- that's not what I wanted..."

Erina stopped talking again to try and take in the air that her lungs desperately craved as her sobs combined with her speech made the task difficult. A few moments passed before her voice broke the silence once again.

"I- I wish I could talk to you again but...you're not coming back...are you?" Another sob attempted to break free and she let it, too weak to cage it in like she had done to the others. "I'm so sorry...I miss you."

Erina finally lifted her head from her knees as she looked up at the hallucination to deliver her next words but her vision was so blurry with tears that she couldn't see him clearly.

 _Am I not even allowed to have this anymore?_

A fresh wave of tears escaped her eyes as the thought settled in and her lips parted to let her next words go through.

"I love you, Sōma."

The wind carried her words away and a part of her foolishly wished that it would carry it to the ears of the one they were meant for.

Knowing that this was impossible, Erina let her head fall back down in the comfort of her knees. It would probably disappear soon now. It usually didn't stay long after she uttered those four words and she would find herself alone once again.

The cold slowly seeped into her heart as she let herself break down once more. She knew her eyes were probably bloodshot by now, but that was a problem for future Erina. The current one couldn't care less about that.

Just when Erina was about to look up again to confirm the fact that she was left alone on the balcony, she felt arms slip around her and was brought into a warm embrace.

Erina's eyes widened in shock for a few seconds before she shut them close and buried her face in the crook of his neck. She knew these arms, she had been pulled into this same embrace more times than she could count and she recognized this smell.

Tightly gripping onto the front of his clothes, Erina allowed the hope she felt coming from within herself to bloom carefully as she let herself enjoy the feeling of his arms around her. She had longed for him so badly that she melted against him like she rarely allowed herself to.

Erina didn't know how long they stayed like that, it felt like years but it probably had only been a few minutes. She had refused to break the silence during that time in fear of breaking the moment as well and realizing that this was only a really, really realistic dream. Maybe her sleep-deprived mind had finally created the perfect hallucination to comfort her broken heart...and if that was the case, well, she would keep the dream alive as long as she was allowed.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

"I'm sorry too."

Erina's eyes shot open in surprise but she still didn't dare to move, afraid that it would break whatever spell she was under. It was the first time that he had ever spoken in one of her realistic dreams.

"I was hurt by your words, that's true, but I still want to be with you. I just needed some time."

His arms tightened their hold around her and Erina let her eyes fall shut once again.

"I love you Erina, and no amount of hurt could ever change that."

Sōma pulled back a little to place a kiss in Erina's hair before securing his hold around her once again.

They stayed like that for a long time and when Sōma relinquished his hold on Erina a little, he was met with the sleeping face of his princess. Smiling to himself, Sōma softly kissed her nose before readjusting his arms so he could carry her bridal-style.

It was cold tonight and he didn't want her to catch a cold. Plus, it looked like she needed the rest. He wasn't faring any better so he decided to call it a night. As he stood, Erina unconsciously tightened her hold on his shirt and nuzzled her face into his neck.

Sōma couldn't help but smile at her cute actions and dropped another kiss on her forehead this time before starting his way to his car to take her back home.

Needless to say that everyone who saw his protective but loving hold and the way the heiress held tightly onto him even in her sleep got the message loud and clear.

Those two were together and would certainly be until death did them apart.

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 _Fin._

 _Merry belated Christmas x) (I wanted to post this yesterday but I obviously couldn't…so well.) I wanted to end with an open ending like 'Was he real or not?' but I decided that this was too cruel. XD Also, I love happy endings so..._

 _I_ am _currently working on Misunderstanding chapter 29 but I got stuck with the idea of this small one-shot when_ _ **If I Ain't Got You**_ _by_ _ **Alicia Keys**_ _got stuck inside my head. It…wasn't supposed to be THAT angsty but well. And I think this was kind of a stupid fight and their reactions were kinda extreme but it can happen, right…? ^^'_

 _Anyway, hope you enjoyed. x) Thanks for taking the time to read this XD_

 _See you soon on Misunderstanding for those who read it~_

 _Ja na_


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